My TDOV, Trans Day of Visibility, started with some young men (old boys?) giggling as I walked past in my colourful non-binary finery. It’s not their fault. They’re stuck referencing whatever is trendy just so they don’t stand out and get attacked. Society only tolerates you if it deems you entertaining. Waiting for a bus is not entertaining and therefore confuses people.
In comparison, my return bus trip gave me a wonderful conversation with an older woman. She loved my fashion choices and was 100% respectful to my wife and me. She asked if I was gay, to which I explained I wasn’t. Nor was I bisexual. She wondered, curiously, what I was. I happily explained what it was to be non-binary.
Sandwiched between those experiences, I went to a safe space at the Museum of Liverpool, and enjoyed an afternoon of Trans joy. Quickly followed by cis-confusion as to why a “man” in a skirt would go into Greggs. Gender non-conforming ring doughnut, obvs.
I’ve written about this kind of experiences before, and I’m sure I will again. There is fear and confusion in the world, but there is also curiosity. Somehow, I need to be relaxed enough to embrace curiosity when it comes my way and not be afraid of others. It’s certainly tough. All my years of being invisibly different did not prepare me for being visibly different. I hope that by being visibly trans is a positive experience because that’s my life now. Visibly trans non-binary while grabbing a Greggs and blowing peoples minds. This is the way.