5 min read

Failed

Bad thoughts got me. [issue 21]
Failed

hello friend

Hello. My friends at Dorothy are running an online exhibition during the social isolation period. It’s called ‘Isolation Nation’ and the team there asked a few artists to respond to that theme anyway they wanted to. I decided to look at isolation in Iceland and the way the human world mixes with the vastness of the natural world.

In other news I’m streaming on Twitch weekdays 1pm till 2pm. Mainly just going over old photos in Lightroom to see if they’re still any good or not. I’m trying to create some actual shows that have more of a point. No epic nerd talk like “How to HDR your back hair for enhanced detail” or anything. Just light hearted fun photo chat.

Finally I’m still doing my Covid-19 Diary on Instagram. If it wasn’t for this I doubt I would have taken any photos in 3 weeks and who knows how long this will go on for. So it is providing me an outlet. I enjoy the process. That said, I saw a photo essay today on the Guardian by Alessio Mamo which could easily be my wife and I in a week or two. The work is seriously good but the reality of it is hard to look at.

So. Week 3 ends. Been up to much? Learnt any magic? Got any good jokes? Our new routine involves watching Twitch streams in the evening. Mainly our favourite comedian Mr John Robertson. He’s doing some absolutely bonkers material and it really helps take our minds of everything. Each night he does a different show. Monday night is chilled out fun. Friday is his touring game show ‘The Dark Room’. It’s mayhem. Honestly, if you want something totally bonkers then watch live. If you’ve never seen The Dark Room before and you’re familiar with text based adventure games from the 1980s then join us Friday’s at 7pm. Divorced Aussie Dad is Sunday’s at 12pm if you miss The Dark Room.


mental health

I failed this week. I tried to help people and it didn’t go well. At least it didn’t go well in my head which is where most of the universe exists. The event, which was absolutely minor, was enough to remind me why I socially distance myself from people. They’re triggers. A difference of opinion is annoyingly hard for me to grasp especially when my side is backed by evidence and expert opinion. Surely I just need the correct words in the right order to make it clear. It’s obvious to me. I just need the right words and it’ll all be fine. Things are never that easy. My understanding is that this is an autism thing. Failure to see things from another perspective and a rigid belief in being right. It has lead me to so many debates online over the years that I’ve spent the past 10 years being withdrawn. I grew tired of this issue affecting me. The issue being the argument not the people. See what happens is the debate will rage on for a week at best. All in my head. One small thing that means nothing to others will be huge for me and I lose a week of my life. So logically the thing to do is remove the trigger which is having friends, being part of a community and all that. I have to admit that it has worked. Sadly. It has worked. Unfortunately we live in a social world of social media and social events. I am yet to work out how to balance these two things.

What I am better at is seeing the path to depression. Oh sure I’ll happily go skipping down it but at least I can see it for what it is.

Thing happens → Creates negative thinking → Leads me to catastrophize → Leads me to be depressed → Leads me to hate myself → Better off alone

This is bad. Do not do this. What you should do is this;

Thing happens → Creates negative thinking → “Ok yeah fair enough its unfortunate.” → Start to catastrophize → Challenge with evidence to the contrary → Avoid depression

You should totally do that instead. That’s what I was taught. It’s about knowing the signs. Spotting the patterns and challenging bad thoughts.

If you want to know more I recommend Claire Eastham’s blog and 4 things to remember next time you’re spiralling via Headspace.


photography

While browsing Lightroom the other day I found some photos of Holyhead I took in 2018 had been oddly reprocessed from black and white to colour. I don’t know why that happened but I’m glad it did because they looked really interesting in colour. I haven’t shared these anywhere else yet. World exclusive for you dear reader. Let me know what you think. I like the imperfections in the images created by the torrential rain.

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beam out

Lastly if you want to see a different take on Covid-19 photo essays then take look at the Washington Post article on “Love and loneliness”.