3 min read

Could I have a new brain please?

What would it be like to have a "normal" brain and to be able to get things done?
View from top of big hill in Edinburgh. A person stands to the right looking out.

hello camera

This week’s photos are from a walk up Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh back in 2019.

You can get prints of the photos in this weeks newsletter on my print store or you can tip me on Ko-Fi so I can buy film for my camera.

Could I have a new brain please?

Have you ever wanted to swap brains? Do a hard reset. Tried turning off and on again? Some days I think living with this brain is too much. Thoughts and ideas firing off all over the place. I can’t control it. It’s exhausting.

The state of mental healthcare in the UK is such that it’s years before I’ll get any help with ADHD. If I go private I could get help quickly but that costs money I don’t have as all my issues have resulted in a human who can just about get by but not pull themselves together enough to make real money.

Instead of doing this newsletter I could go private and take these thoughts to a psychiatrist. £50 a week. Nope. Can’t afford that either. Years ago the NHS was pretty quick at providing me help. I’d be seen within a few weeks and I could get 6-10 weeks of therapy. Now the system is overloaded. We’re all screwed if it’s not fixed.

So there’s little choice other than hanging in there like the cat meme poster from The Simpsons. Yay?

All I want to do is the things I’m interested in which is unfortunately 100 different things a day. Sometimes my autistic side takes over from ADHD and I’m super into one topic. Sometimes it’s a topic that is actually useful like underfloor heating or tumble dryers. Sometimes it’s expensive journals. Sometimes it’s a rabbit hole so deep I get stuck and can’t find my way out. Always take the left at Albuquerque as Bugs Bunny used to say. Sorry. Where as I? Ah yes. Rabbit holes. Squirrel! So Albuquerque is in New Mexico? Never knew that.

This is the hardest part of the pandemic. Financial resources are gone. The world isn’t safe. There’s no help. My brain is Swiss cheese whack-a-mole.

I know I should be proud of my brain and myself but sometimes I look at a successful person and think “Must be nice.” Comparative thinking is bad though and leads to depression. Stop that!

This is a thing right? Managed to focus and write something. Yay. A thing!

So Albuquerque...


View across Edinburgh from Arthur's Seat looking over hills, houses and out to sea.

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