5 min read

Am I ok?

Where'd my depression go?
Am I ok?

hello friend

Hello. How are you? Week 7 of lockdown closes. Week 8 brings? Who knows. Personally I feel like I’m fine. I’m not missing or craving anything. I’m fine. I have games, videos, music, a wife and access to fun. I’m doing ok. Of course the demon on my back wonders how I make money but I’m not thinking about after lockdown or during or anything. I’m simply thinking “Ok right now I am ok. I am mentally ok. How can I find a voice, say something and make a living?” I’m ok. Been a while since I felt that way.

This is issue 26 which means I’ve been writing this newsletter every week (mostly) for 6 months. I’m proud of that. Thanks for sticking around.



mental health

So I’m sat here in my office on a warm and sunny Friday afternoon thinking “Balls. I’m fine. What do I write about?” I’m not a tortured soul who believes he can only be creative through being in pain. It does make me think though and it does help me find things to write about. If I’m fine then what do I do?

I’m still exploring this strange feeling I’ve had for nearly 2 weeks now.  Where did my depression go? What was the solution this time? Was it nothing more than time to slowly come to terms with the world and let my mind work through it? 7 weeks in and I wasn’t starving, dying or homeless. Maybe having the world end and being ok is strangely good for you, mentally speaking?

I spend so much of my life catastrophising that when an actual catastrophe occurs and I’m “ok” it’s fascinating. I’m “ok”. I really hope you are. I’m not bragging or anything. I’m simply working through what happened in the hope it can help you if you need it. All this time worrying about what if work dries up or I lose a client or am I any good at this. All that worry. So much energy and time wasted on it. I could have been the best version of me ever and I’d still be sat here during a pandemic.

I’ve written so many words on how catastrophising is bad and you should not give in to it. I know the path but I often fail to walk the path. So instead depression creeps up and jumps me. Well here we are. Catastrophe time. Actual catastrophe. If, like me, you’re doing ok then draw strength from that. Find the new you and build upon it. Baby steps. Don’t plan to conquer Everest after this. Remember to breathe and take a moment for yourself. You’re doing ok.


photos

I thought it might be interesting to take a trip to New York in the winter of 2016. 30th December to be precise. We were up on top of the city at the ‘Top of the Rock’ and a blizzard rolled in. It was quite a unique experience.

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nailed it

I got a new toy this week. Nail stamps from MoYou London. Of course I bought the geeky pack which oddly includes emoji. Are emoji a geeky thing? I wouldn’t say so. They do have an ASCII art one so maybe they know their stuff. I spent last night trying to make it work and ended up covered in nail polish. Turns out putting a thick base layer on and a light stamp layer doesn’t work. I needed a strong bright base colour and a thick contrasting colour for the stamp.

I re-did everything this morning and well I’ve got something. My advice would be to start with a full nail pattern. If you miss your nail it won’t be too bad. Trying to nail (boom!) the nail stamp position is very tricky. My future plans are to do maybe just 2 fingers. It takes a long time to do all this.

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The yellow base is ‘Banana’ from Barry M and the purple is from a bad brand I didn’t realise were bad when I bought it. Sorry :(

You get things like Tumblr girls, VSCO girls, hipster dudes etc. I’m a man who enjoys craft beer, good coffee, baking, temporary geeky tattoos and painting my nails. All to the soundtrack of Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan. What’s my trendy group name? “Ok with yourself” That’ll do!


beam out

I wrote a guide to video conferencing apps. Streaming vs group chat. Which you should use and when. I also include a few tips on how to take payments or at least tips from people if you would like to go down that route.

I plan to write a guide on data recovery soon. It’s an issue that will affect you at some point. I just plugged a drive in that I thought was fine and it’s not working. So it is good to know what to do when this happens.

FYI my ko-fi tip jar thing is open for tips if you have any spare cash and would like to buy me a beer. Hazy IPA ta.